Posts Tagged ‘Home’

OK. This whole living arrangement – or rather the lack of a stable living arrangement – is getting really fucking old.

For those not up-to-date, the euphoria around a house bought and a house sold has collapsed into anxiety and stress, as the buyers on my place found their financing fall through, and the folks at the house we wanted accepted another offer from someone with the money up front. Meaning we were tossed right back to where we were a month ago, but now with significantly less confidence as the market continues to drop. Now, the price fall is great for Vancouver generally, great for us as buyers, but not so great for me as a seller. So, Meg and I both find ourselves feeling pretty anxious these days, uncertain what is going to happen, when we will find a place to make our own, and what our financial position will be when all is said and done – if all is said and done.

Not fun to be hanging with us these days, I can tell you.

Obviously, we are pretty fucking privileged to even be in this situation – good jobs, stable jobs, a foot in the housing market, confirmed financing from the bank, and secure knowledge that we can pretty much buy what we want once my house moves. Not a hell of a lot of people can say that, and we do remind ourselves frequently that we can’t really complain. We know all to well what it’s like out there for the vast majority of workers.

Still, it’s a stress, and an increasing one. And it seems less about financial anxiety and more about us and our family-building. We are so so ready to be in one place, together, building our home. We are so so ready to be done with the last vestiges of singledom and move fully into partnership and family. We are tired of moving homes every few days, one or other of us always out of place. We are tired of the guessing and the wondering and the shifting ground beneath our feet. We are tired of racing back and forth between neighbourhoods at least twice a day to deal with the never-ending logistics of pet care, housework, laundry and so on and so on.

Last night, after an evening that included both some lovely quiet together-time and some serious stress over what and where is home and what exactly does that mean, we curled up in bed to read a bit more of Carl Sandburg’s The People, Yes – a book-length poem Meg’s been reading aloud for us each night – and fall asleep arms and legs intertwined. Thirty minutes and the beginning of sleep later, my cel phone rings. The dog is barking like crazy at my place, report my tenants. Fuck. What’s this about? We’d been back in the evening, spent some time with her, and normally she just curls up to sleep. But not tonight. So, I throw on my clothes, call a cab, and race back to spent the night with the dog instead of with Meg.

And that, I think, really brought it all into focus for us both. This is not sustainable, this shuffling of homes. Something here needs to give. And if the house isn’t going to sell, we need to think about alternatives for how we build the home together we are both so ready for.

Lots to brainstorm, lots to discuss, and lots of uncertainty to weather. Not a fun place to be for either of us, and beginning to take it’s toll.

Yes, we’re all still good together. So so good, in fact. Yes, we know that even if this minor crisis turns into apocalypse we’re still gonna be just fine. Yes, we know that ultimately all we need is our community, a little place to grow our food, some clean water and one another. And that knowledge does sustain us, each of us reminding the other when we start to feel like capitalism’s crisis is our own. But the one thing that seems absolutely necessary at this point is the ability to just be together in one place. And that is where this whole financial crisis is hitting us hardest, and creating the most uncertainty.


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Feeling strangely unsettled today, and not entirely sure why. I think I awoke feeling fine, but within an hour or so I began to notice something just not quite right – a vague sense of worry, an unease, a disinterest in all around me. And nothing to pin this on, nothing that I can locate as cause.

In general, it’s a good time. The holidays brought none of what was expected, but a quite wonderful time of relaxing, of closeness, of quiet family time for Megan, Mica and I. Oh, there was tumult and anxiety as the weather threw constant changes at us – see Meg’s post here for the details. But with each anxious and frantic cancellation of plans, we relaxed into wine by the fire, songs with the guitar, boardgames with Mica, drinks with a few friends who live close, and lots of lots of time to just be with one another. Something so very welcome after an autumn of travel and work and travel and work.

The biggest news, certainly, is the home front. We’ve been planning for some time to move in 2009, but with the slowing housing market in Vancouver and some major drops in home values, we moved much quicker than anticipated, throwing my place on the market just before Christmas and just before the snowstorms hit. Expected that everything would take a good deal of time, and we’d move slowly into the Spring getting an idea of how things looked on the housing front before any decisions would need to be made. But then, just before Christmas we found a place that seemed perfect – a little cottage-like house on Charles, nicely laid out, a good size for the three of us, and in exactly the neighbourhood we want. We threw in an offer – conditional, of course, on my place selling in a few months – and were thrilled it was accepted the morning of Boxing Day. OK. The desired place located. Now to move the existing home.

The New Year appproached with yet more snow and roads across the city made entirely inaccessible because the city of Vancouver’s official snow-management policy is – yes, this is true – to wait for rain. But we got at least some interest, with a viewing of my place on December 31st. Well, at least that’s something, we thought, and should give us some indication of the kinds of questions people will ask. So, we head off to Victoria to visit Meg’s folks. The next day, the offer comes in. Wow. That was quick. Some frantic back and forth over the next 24 hours, and we’ve got a deal – subject to a few details, of course. Fuck. That was not expected. But so so nice to have it all sealed away – the sale of one and the purchase of another in a matter of a week.

Which means that now, as school and work gear up once again, we are handling logistics, dealing with the details to finalize these transactions, and beginning 2009 with visions of a new home, a private yard, summer parties and new luxuiries like hot tubs and saunas. It’s all super exciting, as you can imagine. Moves not scheduled til mid-April, which means we have lots of time to fret about things, but also lots to plan and conspire and pack and plan the details of the home we want to make.

All so so nice.

So tell me, then….why so blah today? Why the unease I am feeling?

Don’t know. Perhaps it’s the back to work routine. Perhaps it’s the catching up of all this activity as of late and the mental and emoti0nal energy it’s taken. Perhaps it’s the weather, less crisp and increasingly bleary. Perhaps it’s al;, perhaps it’s none.

But it will pass, I’m sure. And as I wait for that, I imagine the next few posts I might write to get back to this blogging thing. Today, though, I just needed to write something. To pass the time and give my head the shake it clearly needs.

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