Catchin’ Up - the basics

Well. it really has been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. Things have been pretty busy, so there is lots to catch up on, but I am finding that holidays make for less blogging, not more - probably because I generally write posts up during slow periods at work. In any event, as it’s been so long I’m a bit unsure whether to put it all in one post, or write a few. Guess I’ll leave that question to be decided by the writing itself. We’ll get something here today, at least.

Last week was the trip to the parents’ house in Fanny Bay - Megan’s first meeting with them, and the first time that Mica, Meg and I all travelled together. It was a family visit - pretty casual and laid-back, kids running around and adults chatting idly, reading books, with a few moments found for hikes and ocean swims. I found, leading up to the trip, that I became quite excited by it. There is something special in introducing a love to the family, something about bridging worlds, giving the folks a glimpse into where I am now, and giving Megan a glimpse into where I come from. That was pretty significant for me, and I found myself surprised by just how much it meant to see my partner and my parents talking over coffee about the downtown eastside, processes of gentrification and resistance, books and kids and home renovations, unions and the great Canadian regional divide.

Needless to say, all went swimmingly. My dad doesn’t talk much, but putters around doing chores and crossword puzzles. Mom is pretty quiet, too, but she and Meg talked quite a bit, and I found that I was more an observer than a participant in much of the discussion. That was awesome, seeing that there was interest and commonality here on both sides, and that time together came as easy as could be hoped.

And Mica seemed to handle it really well. Doesn’t hurt, of course, that my folks are raising kids around her age, so there’s lots of play-time to distract from any uncertainty she might be feeling. But she was relaxed with both of us, and made a point of giving Meg hugs before bed. It’s gotta be rough for a kid, to watch a parent’s life change so dramatically, to have a new adult introduced in such an intimate way, to process the natural feelings of guilt about her own mom. So of course there are moments throughout that are hard, uneasy, a little standoff-ish. But generally we seem to be adjusting well - all of us - to a world very different from the one any of us has known before.

Since that weekend, it has continued to be busy, with the move to the new suite being handled in a protracted period of time. But we are in, we are settled, and we are making a new home with a place for Megan in it. That’s pretty special, to see her things in this space, to have her around for the everyday of board games, bedtime stories, and wake-ups. Mica is still coming to terms with all this, I think, as having dad’s girlfriend in the house regularly is very different from seeing her intermittently. But we’ve talked about Meg being around more, and making sure that there’s lots and lots of time just for the two of us, and she seems to trust pretty well that her place with me is secure and things will be just fine. Megan, of course, is adjusting herself, to the very different rhythm of life with a child, not to mention regular negotiation with said-child’s mom about plans and schedules. For someone used to being on her own, making her own decisions and setting the terms of her own life, that’s gotta be a major shake-up. And I know that she finds it hard sometimes, and then worries that in finding it hard she is causing me distress. Really, though, she is just fucking awesome through all of this, and I am pretty amazed at how smoothly things are going overall.

So, meet-the-parents, move-the-house, adjust-the-adult-child-relationships - that should be plenty for a couple of weeks. But no, indeed, there was more. My friend Colin got married in Sooke last weekend, so we made a trip over there for a few days.

A fabulous barbecue with friends in Victoria who are always a joy to see and spend time with, a brief visit with Meg’s mom and dad, and then it was off to our little cottage on the ocean. Nice. The cottage itself wasn’t anything exciting - formerly a cold-storage for fish during the owners’ previous professional lives, it was mis-shapen, awkward, and small. But the location! Right on a stone beach, with a hot-tub just feet from the high-tide line. Each night we’d return from wedding events to sit, sip wine, and listen to the waves, with warm water around our bodies and cold air on our faces. Fucking perfect.

Wedding was nice - small, at the bride’s parents’ house, a massive seven-bedroom thing overlooking the water. There was good food, important words of love and support, and all the core elements of a traditional wedding. I had a bit of a meltdown watching Colin go through this - mainly, I think, because I have very few close friends still living, and male friends in particular. But Meg held me, and encouraged me to speak to Colin about it and let him know how important knowing him has been, and that provided a cleansing and a therapy I obviously needed.

Yeah, a weddding, lots of activity amid an already over-booked time, but we still found exactly what we needed as a couple. A walk up the Juan de Fuca Marine Trail, to find the site Meg broke her ankle some years ago. (Check out her write-up and photos here.) A short hike, and two hours of picnic and photos and holding hands on a gorgeous stretch of beach with mad waves, crazy rock formations, a sea-lion in the surf and two bear cubs, a yearling and a fresh new cub. That’s the west coast. That’s the magic of this part of the world. And that’s something that is really made perfect in the sharing with a lover. That’s the kind of place, the kind of day, that instantly refreshes and rejuvenates.

Well. Mica is waiting for a turn at the computer, and the catch-up portion of this blog is complete. More to come, on more specific things, but this, I hope, at least parially redeems my neglect of late.